It's never too late to turn right
"It's too much. I'm not strong enough for this."
This is what the dark says to me. So convincingly that I sob and struggle to catch my breath.
Seriously though. How can I struggle. I freakin do this for a living... inspire strength.
Those words though; in the light they don't seem to carry much weight. They are easily ignored. And yet, in the dark, they pack a punch. They leave me winded. Gasping. Broken.
With those words come much judgement; predictable and repetitive. The first is what a fraud I am for pretending to promote strength and be such a hot mess. The next judgement shows up as a slew of things I wouldn't say to my worst enemy, yet somehow fitting for myself.
"Fuck you" I say to the dark.
Might seem abrupt. Maybe you were hoping for more eloquence or something truly life changing... sorry to disappoint. #notsorry
Abrupt is my specialty AND probably what keeps me going. An abrupt interruption of self pity and other such utter horse shit.
It's not pretty. (I type as I wipe snot off my face from my most recent pity party.)
Here's what I know. Life is not only good. It's beautiful and terrifying. It's fulfilling and disappointing. It's exciting and it's just full on fucked up.
I think those people I find most inspiring are not the ones who have it ALL together ALL of the time. It's the ones who travel to darkness and back every single day and still choose to gravitate to light.
Dark and light are a fork in the road of choice. Sometimes we go left. Sometimes we go right. I'm so grateful I get millionth chances at going right. Cause man oh man. Sometimes I go left. I recognize this is not as fraudulent as the darkness would have me believe. It's the thing that makes me relatable and completely qualified to tell you:
1. Sob like a child. Judgement is for wimps.
2. When you're done wiping snot off your face, "fuck you" is a highly effective and empowering thing to say to self loathing.
3. It's never too late to turn right.